Tuesdays are sexy, like a stallion

The Tuesday shit list:

Starbucks skim grande mocha, croissant
2 Diet Cokes
Doritos
Chocolate marble pound cake
Chicken lo mein
Ritter sport milk chocolate

*******

And now, a special segment -- today's Featured Piece of Crap:

Today I would like to introduce to you "Rip It Chic" -- the energy drink for women. Some shady unnamed characters brought it into the office Tuesday night and you know how I am with bad decisions.

Let me give you a little bit of well-researched background on "Rip It Chic." The drink, which is the color of internal organs and comes in a long can, was "designed for women by a female chemist," according to its website. "Its specially designed can is just the right size and the foil cover helps prevent dust, germs and bacteria from reaching the can's lid!" A female chemist??? Dude, that's how I know I'm in good hands. Because we all know that female chemists are specially hired to make pink, estrogen-friendly energy drinks.

Anyway, I'm tired of talking about this, because I only had a sip of it before I almost threw up all over the floor. Suffice it to say, if hormones had a taste, that's what they would taste like. It tastes like freakin' progesterone and I'm pretty sure I've never tasted that. It... just... does.

On a scale of 1 to 5 ass-shakes, 5 being super-crazy-awesome, this rates a 1/2. Not even a real ass-shake.