Tuesdays are sexy, like a stallion

The Tuesday shit list:

Starbucks skim grande mocha, croissant
2 Diet Cokes
Doritos
Chocolate marble pound cake
Chicken lo mein
Ritter sport milk chocolate

*******

And now, a special segment -- today's Featured Piece of Crap:

Today I would like to introduce to you "Rip It Chic" -- the energy drink for women. Some shady unnamed characters brought it into the office Tuesday night and you know how I am with bad decisions.

Let me give you a little bit of well-researched background on "Rip It Chic." The drink, which is the color of internal organs and comes in a long can, was "designed for women by a female chemist," according to its website. "Its specially designed can is just the right size and the foil cover helps prevent dust, germs and bacteria from reaching the can's lid!" A female chemist??? Dude, that's how I know I'm in good hands. Because we all know that female chemists are specially hired to make pink, estrogen-friendly energy drinks.

Anyway, I'm tired of talking about this, because I only had a sip of it before I almost threw up all over the floor. Suffice it to say, if hormones had a taste, that's what they would taste like. It tastes like freakin' progesterone and I'm pretty sure I've never tasted that. It... just... does.

On a scale of 1 to 5 ass-shakes, 5 being super-crazy-awesome, this rates a 1/2. Not even a real ass-shake.

Memorial Day weekend is a time to remember how awesome barbeque and warm pools are

Saturday...(I probably missed a couple of things)

Breakfast/lunch:
Cheeseburger w/ onions (Trio)
Diet Coke

Diet Coke

Dinner:
Barbeque steak (yummm)
Small salad (lettuce, carrots, cherry tomatoes)
Herb-covered potatoes
Amstel light

3 Jack and Cokes

Sunday:

Breakfast/Lunch: (Health Bar)
Chicken sandwich with onions and honey mustard
Small salad (lettuce, carrots, cherry tomatoes)
Diet Coke

Glass of champagne

Starbucks skim grande mocha

Dinner at le chateau de parents:
Small piece of pork
1 potato
Small salad (lettuce, cherry tomatoes)
Cherries
Black Ukrainian rye bread with extra virgin olive oil and salt (too much of it)
Chocolate pound cake from Whole Foods (too much of it)
1 glass pure mango juice
2 cups peppermint tea

Monday
Breakfast: Diet Coke

Dinner/Memorial day "picnic" in Dupont Circle:
About 3 soft salami sandwiches (on burger buns)
A bunch of cherries
2 of those cute, tiny Pepsi cans

Post-dinner lazying at Ben and Jerry's: 1 small scoop of Sweet Cream and Cookies.

Post-dinner lazying at Cosi: 1 (rather big) margarita.

AT SOME POINT THIS WEEKEND, I HAD A LOT OF DORITOS AND POISONED MYSELF.

EXERCISE: 20 sit-ups, 20 minutes elliptical (while watching The Simple Life Goes to Fat Camp, natch.)

Thank God It's Food Day

I'll change that blog title at some point. I'm not feeling so creative at the moment. On with it:

Breakfast: Mango smoothie
Grande mocha, Starbucks
Croissant, plain

Lunch: Pad See Eu with chicken
Diet Coke

Later: more Diet Coke
Grande mocha, Starbucks (2 in a day = BAD)

Dinner: Chicken parmesan, pasta (about half the meal)
2 glasses white wine
Midori sour

There's no such thing as a free lunch? WRONG

Breakfast:
A bunch of apple slices

Lunch, at work: (it was free!)
Slice of bread (healthy-looking, not sure which kind) w/ 4 pieces of ham
1 slice of tomato
2 yummy gooey brownie-things

Later, at work: (more gloriously free food due to birthdays/etc.)
1 small piece of chocolate cake
Diet Coke

Dinner:
2 soft steak tacos at Cal Tor
Chips n salsa
Ice Tea

Party food:
A bunch of cherries
A bunch of cherry tomatoes
White wine

Later "I totally regret eating this but I was slightly tipsy so I bought it" food:
McDonalds double cheeseburger
4 chicken nuggets w/ honey mustard
Diet Coke and Hennessy

(C'mon, readers, make me feel bad!! I totally shouldn't have done that.)

EXERCISE: 20 minutes elliptical, 10 sit-ups

Wednesday (AKA, the day that I wake up just before normal people have dinner)

1 skim Starbucks mocha
1 fat bomb (that's Madeleine cookie, for the uninitiated)
Chicken fried rice from Sala Thai
Hennessy and Diet Coke
2 Midori sours

EXERCISE:
20 minutes elliptical

They tried to make me go to junkfood rehab, I said no, no, no

Tuesday routine: Wake up insanely early, like 5:30 a.m., go back to sleep for a couple hours, work, work, work, work, work. Eat crap. Work, work, work. More eat crap. More work.

Today's list of crap:
A bunch of chocolate frosted mini-donuts (I think like 6)
A bunch of Fritos
Half a Diet Coke bottle
Starbucks skim mocha
3 slices of barbeque chicken pizza
Slice of chocolate cake
A mean, lean, slice of death

Mondays are a dirty whore

Breakfast: Skim Starbucks mocha, croissant

Lunch (I had lunch with 5th graders and it was yummy and I love kids): 1 piece herb roasted chicken, a bunch of lettuce, cucumbers, a cup of lemonade.

Later: Small bag of Doritos. Banana. Diet Coke.

Dinner: Chicken panini w/ lettuce and honey mustard. Diet Coke.

And now I'm at da coffee shop trying to work, being soothed (or tortured? not sure anymore) by the sweet sounds of (let's sing it) "After Hours: 97.1. Wash FM."

Sunday pudgy Sunday

Breakfast: Banana

4 pm meal: Mango smoothie, plain bagel with creamcheese

Dinner (with parents, outside! yay) A medium piece of veal, 1 medium potato, 1 piece of Whole Foods semolina/whatever that yummy bread is, 1 piece of Ukrainian rye bread with salt and olive oil. About 1/3 of a tomato. A whole bunch of cherries. Cranberry juice.

The "oh crap I need to get my ass to a coffee shop and do work" meal: Mocha with whipped cream, chicken panini with lettuce and honey mustard. Ice tea.

I should be doing work...

Saturday, continued:

Lunch: Subway sandwich w/ grilled chicken, onion, lettuce, teriyaki sauce. Diet Coke.

Dinner: Banana Leaves teriyaki chicken w/ white rice. Hennessy and Diet Coke. A TINY piece of omelet.

EXERCISE: 37 minutes on the elliptical

Starbucks is evil

Friday:

Breakfast: Starbucks skim mocha and croissant

Lunch: Pad See Eu with Chicken and Diet Coke

Later: 1 screwdriver

At night: a plate of French fries, a bunch of Midori sours, a kamikaze shot


Saturday:

Breakfast: Starbucks skim mocha

Yowza

Breakfast:
Skim Starbucks mocha, plain croissant

Lunch/at the office:
1 cold slice of cheese pizza (thanks for cleaning out the refrigerator, coworker -- you know who you are!)
Several "scoop" tortilla chips with salsa
1 Orange

Dinner:
2 California Tortilla soft steak tacos, w/ lettuce, onion, etc. (I risked missing my yoga class just to get one! I literally ran! That's how good they are, and I came back after the class to get another one! They're really tiny.)
Diet Coke

EXERCISE:
1 hr 15 mins Yoga (I think I found the place where I want to buy a class pass. More on that later.)
35 mins elliptical

Lots o' good vibes all around...

Wednesday

A BIG WAD OF NOTHING ALL DAY BECAUSE I GOT MY BROKEN TOOTH DONE

Dinner: Homecooked burger, cooked in extra-virgin olive oil

Later: Mango smoothie, plain bagel with cream cheese

EXERCISE:
10 sit-ups
1-hour Yoga 1
15 minutes on treadmill

Tuesday

As far as I remember...

Starbucks mocha and croissant

Banana
Large chamomille tea from Starbucks

4 barbeque chicken pizza slices

Crapload of 100% white corn tortilla chips (the "scoops" kind!) with salsa

ummm I think that's it.

Montag

I don't remember. This is what happens when you don't train your memory by memorizing and reciting poetry in grade-school.

I had an orange at 4 am Tuesday, though.

It's the freaking weekend, baby, I'm gonna have me some ... calories?!?

Let's get down to business.

Friday:

Dinner:
Home-cooked burger

Drink-fest at Firefly:
2 cherry-blossom mojitos (the godliest drink ever made)
"Truffle" fries (apparently, this means they're somehow mushroom flavored. This place is fancy-shmancy. To me, they just tasted strange.)

Drink-fest, continued at Lucky Bar: (we're classy)
Too many kamikaze shots to count.

A whole bunch of Doritos, Nacho Cheese. (I finished most of a 13-ounce bag by the end of the weekend.)

***

Saturday:

Breakfast: Large black unsweetened ice tea at Starbucks, 2 fat bombs (AKA Madeleine cookies). They usually come in packs of 3 but one of them fell out of my hand before I could eat it, prompting me to loudly yell "FUCK!!!" while on crowded M Street.

3 strawberries

Quick Pita fries (yum!!)

Mango smoothie, plain toasted bagel w/ cream cheese

Dinner: Martin's Tavern. (Apparently, low-fat) buffalo burger w/ onions, small lettuce/carrot/etc. salad. Diet Coke.

1 peach daiquiri.

***

Sunday:

Breakfast: Mocha w/ whipped cream, plain toasted bagel w/ cream cheese

Lunch: Subway grilled chicken sandwich w/ lettuce, onion and teriyaki sauce. Diet Coke.

Dinner: Mid-size plate of spaghetti and (about 3) meatballs w/ tomato sauce. 1 slice garlic bread. Ice tea.

***

Exercise this weekend: LOTS AND LOTS OF WALKING, MY FEET HURT.

Yummy yummy yummy I've got carbs in my tummy

Dear Blog,

Today I am throwing my friend a bachelorette party so I apologize in advance for drinking way too much (thus, further killing myself) and/or posting drunk and thus being incoherent/revealing all of my horrible secrets. Got it? I hope we're understood. On with the daily food-intake-recording bonanza!

Breakfast:
Grande mocha, Starbucks
Plain croissant, Starbucks

Lunch:
Mac Market sandwich (white bread, lettuce, onion, honey mustard) (I should have a key on my computer that types all of that at once)
Diet Coke

This day went to hell in a handbasket pretty quickly...

Breakfast: Jolt n Bolt mocha
Sesame seed bagel with cream cheese

Lunch: *SIGH*
McDonalds grilled chicken sandwich
McDonalds double cheeseburger
McDonalds french fries
Diet Coke X a million (possibly with some Hennessy)
(I had a bad day, ok?)

Dinner: (my mother cooked some sense into my head)
About 10 pelmeni (Russian meat dumplings)
Glass of cranberry juice

Exercise: 10 sit-ups

Wednesday, continued...

So then I went to Starbucks and had a little piece of chocolate marble pound cake and a small non-sweetened black ice tea. Then I went home and cooked myself an organic burger patty and ate a burger and drank Diet Pepsi (with a tiny bit of Hennessy, I AM NOT A LUSH, I just really like the taste so I add a drop).

Then I went to that gym-place I haven't been to in several days and did 35 minutes on the elliptical.

Now I'm eating a pear and drinking apple juice.

This doesn't count!

Deadline day doesn't count so don't judge me. I barely had time to stand up, much less worry about eating. Here's the rundown of crazy bad shit I ate Tuesday.

Diet Pepsi
Diet Pepsi
Diet Pepsi
Diet Pepsi
Diet Pepsi
Some of that chicken pizza I got "to go" from Open City
Chicken lo mein
ummm...Diet Coke
Most of a Ritter Sport milk chocolate bar
My dignity

And today I was on what Kendra from the Girls Next Door called a "sleep diet," sleeping til forever b/c I was so exhausted from the night before I didn't have time to eat. So all I had today was half of a Hennessy and Coke. Because it was THERE, ok?

Oh but now I really need to go eat some real food because I'm starving. I just caught myself going to the Melting Pot website just so I can DROOL over everything. And I should go to the gym at some point too.

By eating lunch for "breakfast," I avoided Starbucks today! Clever or pathetic?

Breakfast/lunch (noon):
Mac Market white bread, grilled chicken, lettuce, onion, honey mustard (the usual...the sandwich guy knows it by heart)
Diet Coke can
Banana

Dinner:
McDonalds double cheeseburger, fries, small Diet Coke

Jolt n Bolt(that's a category in itself. There's lunch, there's dinner, and there's Jolt n Bolt):
Plain bagel w/ creamcheese
Large skim mocha

At home, until the wee hours of the morning: An ungodly amount of Diet Coke...it's deadline time, biatches.

The question isn't what I ate. It's what DIDN'T I eat....

Oy veh. This blog is supposed to be all about the betterment of me. And yet, through reading over all the posts, I can see that I'm not getting better, I'm descending into a mad eating frenzy.....

This morning:
Small skim mocha
1 Apple

Sort-of exercise: The 3-mile walk for diabetes

At the Tabard Inn for brunch (sin, sin, sin - but we were treated to it after the walk)
Small salad with raw spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers
3 slices of bacon
2 pieces of sausages
Diet Coke
About 3 slices of bread with butter
1 muffin
A small sugar-covered donut with a whole bunch of whipped cream

After a very long nap (got up early today for the walk):
Sandwich - 2 slices white bread, 12 pepperoni slices
8-ounce can of Pepsi

Over at our neighbor's apartment:
2-3 glasses of wine (hard to measure) (Zinfandel and Shiraz)
A whole bunch of Cheez-Its
About 2 slices of bread smeared with hummus
About 2 scoops vanilla ice cream, 3 strawberries

Yeah, I'm kinda killing myself...

Breakfast: 2 slices white bread, 6 slices pepperoni
Apple juice

EXERCISE: Easy yoga class

Slice of pepperoni pizza

Frozen margarita (Instead of the mint juleps we tried to make, but failed, for the Kentucky Derby ... we couldn't find peach syrup anywhere.)
Hennessy and Coke

Plain bagel with cream cheese
Medium mocha with whipped cream

Friday alert

Breakfast: Banana, 8-ounce Pepsi can and 3 Fat Bombs (a.k.a. Madeleine cookies from Starbucks)

Lunch:
Mac Market sandwich - white bun, grilled chicken, lettuce, onion, honey mustard
Diet Coke can
a box o' purple grapes

The because I couldn't help it meal: Waffle fries, 2 Jack n Cokes (at bar)

Dinner: Some bread w/ spinach artichoke dip
About 3 slices of chicken pesto pizza
Ice Tea
(Open City)

I'm so boring

You see, I live within 2 seconds of all these wonderful places ... coffee shops, gym, etc... but this just means I spend way too much time and money at the same places. Like today, I went to Jolt n Bolt AGAIN and got....

Mango smoothie
Plain bagel with creamcheese

Then I went to the gym, where, for part of the time, I ACTUALLY watched DC council hearings instead of the 70 other channels available. (Mary Ch3h is so awesome!) At the gym, I did...

30 mins elliptical
15 mins treadmill

Hey bitches

Just got back from McFaddens, had some chicken wings w/ Teriyaki sauce and maybe 3 Jack n Cokes....hmmm Jack n Cokes. (Yes, I'm a drunkie).

Now headed to Mr. Gym.

My diet does NOT bring healthy back

Wednesday dinner:
Home-cooked burger on a white bun, with marinara sauce.
I gulped it down with some (regular) Coke/Pepsi, mixed with a tiny bit of Henessy. (OK, here's the story on this wild concoction: On Saturday night, I filled a water bottle with Henessy+ Coke, I drank most of it but I still had a bit left, and I didn't want to waste it, so I just added Pepsi to it to drink w/ dinner.)

Then I had a snack of 1 piece white bread and 9 pepperoni slices.

This morning...

Breakfast: B-A-N-A-N-A
Later: Grande skim Mocha (damn those people at Starbucks for always giving me grande when I ask for tall!! Even if they are just being nice...)
Lunch: Pad See Ew with chicken (from Bambu), can of Diet Coke

I love me some Booeymonger's

Today this enterprising reporter was out and about covering a press conference. This required a little morning jolt, to get my reporting wheelies rolling. This morning I had:

A lovely, Healthy breakfast of: Tiny (8 ounce) Pepsi can, and 9 pepperoni slices on slice of white bread

After the press conference, I decided there's nothing better than sitting outside of Booeymonger's on a warm day, watching the passersby and reading and crap like that. At BOOYAH!monger, I had a:

Grilled chicken sandwich on toasted wheat bread, with honey mustard, onions and romaine lettuce. I also had 2 bottles of Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple. It was so refreshingly delicious I had to have a second one.

EXERCISE:

25 minutes bike thing/spinning
10 minutes elliptical
11 sit-ups

And I decided not to go to the abs class at the gym because it was full of muscled gay men. I'm lame.

134.5 lbs.

Ass-tasting Chinese

So let me continue the tale of what I ate last night. Since it was a Tuesday night, I was at the paper until 2 a.m. Every Tuesday is also Horrible Ass-tasting Chinese Food Night and we all have to eat it because that's the only dinner the paper will pay for. At least it's food. So I had...

A Diet Coke and some Chicken Lo-Mein (almost the whole portion)

Oh, and before that I had about half a Diet Coke at the meeting I was covering.

Extra! Extra! ALL DEADLINES AND NO FREE TIME MAKE GIRL EAT CRAP!

Well, the morning started alright with a tasty banana. (This shit is BANANAS. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!)

But then, as I proceeded to lock my keys in my car, having to call AAA, and being waaaay to behind schedule with my work, my diet descended into the millionth circle of hell.

And so it was:

A Starbucks grande mocha (skim)
3 Starbucks Madeleine cookies (also known as fat bombs)

And now... a bag of Fritos.

Wake me up when I'm skinny.